We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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