just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
