You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
