too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
