yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
