And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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