This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
