I puked a lego.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
