so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
