it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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