Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
