sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
