so explain again why im purple
no
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
