yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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