There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
