hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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