After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am one with the molecules
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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