Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
