I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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