Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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