i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
