So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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