I just cut my nipple shaving
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
