Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
