Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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