when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
