Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
