Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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