she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
