Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
