Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
