which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
