My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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