the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
