The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
