i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
