I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
