her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
