I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
