after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
