when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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