I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
