Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
