Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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