youre lurking in front of me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
