I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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