you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
