Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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