Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
