after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
