I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
