My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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