did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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