After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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