Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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