Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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