So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
