I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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