ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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